“This One’s For Nashville”
Bloomington management admit part of new deal isn’t for current city
By I.P. Offen, sports columnist

I guess it was a matter of time.

The Bloomington Beavers made a trade today with Springfield.  No, the matter of time was not because the new Bloomington ownership made a deal with their old team…it’s because this trade contained a component the management admits is solely because of their impending move to Nashville.

“The acquisition of outfielder Kyoden Kubo is entirely because of our move to Nashville,” owner Jason Wert admitted to this reporter.

The furor around the newsroom was intense during the owner’s admission that a deal had been struck that wasn’t aimed at improving the team for this season.

“The main thrust of the deal was Martinez who once off the DL will give us some good innings late in the year,” Wert said.  “We think he will be a key piece of our rotation for years to come.  While Cole (Davis, outfielder) is a promising young talent we have such a glut in the outfield that he wouldn’t have had much playing time.  If anything, this deal is going to help him get a shot at being a major leaguer.”

I asked Wert if there is a glut in the outfield why he would demand that Kubo, a journeyman minor league outfielder, be the centerpiece of the deal.

“Barbecue,” Wert said.

I proceeded to ask the obvious question Wert was wanting me to ask.

“I drafted Kubo years ago with the old team,” Wert said.  “He had outstanding ratings, lots of promise and real problem with Jack Daniels.  One summer night in his second year I was on my yearly tour of the minor leagues when I hit the Nixa club during an off-day.  Kubo was cooking the best barbecue I’ve ever eaten in my life.”

I asked what that had to do with baseball.

“We’re obviously moving to the south,” Wert said.  “Barbecue in the south is on par with air and water.  You have to have it, you have to have it good and you have to expect nothing less than the best.  Well, I can say without any hesitation that Kubo’s barbecue is the best I’ve ever eaten.  I think other folks will say that same thing.”

“So you traded him for his barbecue?”

“Yes,” Wert said.  “Look, the kid hit the sauce, dove down some stairs loaded and jacked up his ribs.  He lost his power, he lost his swing and he just keeps hanging on because he hasn’t gotten it through his head that he won’t be a major league ball player.  I kept him around when I was with the old club because it meant I had reason to invite him out to cook that manna from heaven for parties.”

“Does Kubo know this is why you traded for him?”

“He’ll know soon enough,” Wert said.  “I’m surprised that the new regime in the old house kept him around to this point.  I don’t think they knew about the food.”

“So he has no future as a player?”

“No,” Wert said.  “He does, however, have a place just beyond the left field wall where the new stadium will be housing Kyoden’s Kub-O-Cue.  The best food in any ballpark anywhere.  Maybe we’ll have him do a cookout for the last game of the season this year.”